I’m So Done

I’m so sick of myself I could scream.  Sick of attempting to lose weight and failing.  Oh, it’s my own fault – for sure – but finding that “willpower” or “inner strength” or whatever you want to call it seems impossible.

I’ve been going to WW for about 5 or 6 months and to be honest, I weigh weekly (pretty much) but don’t go to any of the meetings.  YES – I know.  I will have a good week or two and then I will gain again or stay the same or whatnot.  I’ve definitely lost while I’ve been there – but not consistently.  I just can’t stand myself.  My daily failures.  My weakness when it comes to saying no to food.  It’s pathetic.  These past two weeks have been the worst.  Sure I could state increased stress, upheaval in my schedule, hectic life, etc. but the truth is – I eat a healthy breakfast, healthy lunch and then between about 5 and 8 all hell break’s loose.  No joke.

So here is why I am posting this today.  I’m putting this very touchy, personal subject out there for all to see.  I am going to give my all to WW starting Monday (no no no now wait a minute – it’s not that whole monday mentality – it’s because I have two events this weekend where food is the primary focus and to start now would just result in immediate failure – so deal) for the next six months.  By the end of 2014 if I have not broken this cycle and have started losing consistently (not looking for miracles) – then in 2015 I am going to start looking at weight loss surgery.  (And don’t tell me horror stories here about WLS – I already know –  but I need SOMETHING to show me some loss so I can see the reasoning behind eating healthfully instead of doing it will little to no results because I can’t keep it up on my own)

Basically I’m at the end of my rope.   More details regarding my plan to come.



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